Graduation Day

First, I wanted to say

Happy Graduation Day ULi!!

It was the fifth graduation day I had seen.. I mean since January 2010.
When will be mine? I wonder, but though I am not so enthusiast about graduation day.
But sure I want to finish fast.

Things are sometimes just not in accordance to our plan. This time, it happened to my research. I admitted that I was not really into my research. But somehow, I felt like things are harder than I expected. There were so many things went wrong. In a while, it is easier to make excuses, but it's not good for a long term. Since when I was making excuses, I didn't really search for solution.

I had started grumbling that I could never had a good chance of using the lab to a full extent, those protocols to do research just making it difficult, my team mates just didn't cooperate well, especially one person that everytime I saw her face it kind of make me sick and other activities just appeared that I chose to do those other things rather than my research.

About my team mates, I felt that I couldn't cooperate well. First I got the toughest job. Then especially a person which making me sick. She is my junior. She couldn't finish the research proposal on time. I pitied her. Since she is also under the same academic supervisor as mine and since our research project are closely related, I lent her my soft copy of proposal. I also made her the financial planning of her research. One day I had a chance to look at her finished proposal and found out that she took some of my sentences and using them as hers! without even bother to paraphrase or something. I had never thought that plagiarism could be this heart breaking, I had headache making those sentences. Then she skipped one or two group discussions, exactly when we splitted the job. The great thing was the discussion result in she got the easier task and I got the hardest. What a lucky b...

There I was irritated and doing my 'job' insincerely'. One day I asked her to help me out, since I got the toughest job (and she should know it, unless she was a moron or ignorant who wouldn't care about the procedures of other's job). And she damn refused it. I just couldn't think any good of her. Then yeah, if you don't want to help me, then don't ever take advantage of me.

Well, it was frustating enough until a time that I start to change my point of view. Instead of feeling that I was a miserable victim, thinking that everything was my fault from the very start is a really helpful. Yeah I know that it means that I should put down that very pride which is really not suit me. Yes, I am wrong. I might not a virtuous person, I am not always right, I do a lot of mistakes, I am a person of many shortcomings.

Yes, it is my mistake that my teammates turn into plagiat. I gave her my softcopy. It is also my mistakes that I got the toughest job since I underestimated her and overestimated my ability that I could cope it alone then I didn't protested the discussion result nor give any term and condition that I should be helped in doing my job.

I should stop putting others in blame, though it is really easy to do it and so much better that we shouldn't admit that we also are wrong. But the effect is I will feel so miserable, so out of control. So powerless. Like whatever I do, people will mess with me, I was not lucky. That damn B was even luckier than me. Pitied myself, 'I've done my best' while actually there were so many wrong doing of mine if I look more closely. When I come to pity my self, I don't feel good at all.

Then I have to accept whatever obstacles and find the solution instead of focusing my attention on how irritated I am. Yeah, I am irritated about that things, that is just how I feel about that thing, but well then there are also things that makes me happy. Cut the flow of thought when I come back to thing about that thing that makes me irritated. There will be no solution, by thinking how irritated I am. Even make me less and less motivated about what I have to do: my research.

And yes, research, better to start thinking about it.

Random thought

I wanted to talk about irritation, Things like disappointment and all.
We tend to disappoint or even angry when things don't work in they way we want, hope or expected to be. Like something not supposed to be happen. For example, nobody wants to be hurt, but there someone come, irritate and make us hurt. No matter a stranger or a close relatives. Other example is when we expect our work would result in success, but it happens the other way around, it fails terribly. Or when we wait for someone to come or for a chance to appear but seems that we will wait forever, There is, when we expect something and things just happen out of expectation in the way isn't 'comfortable' to us.

So that there is a lot of chance to be irritated or disappointed because life has lot of surprised for us. What happen is that sometimes things just out of our control, no matter we think and plan for it, No matter how bad we cry or beg for it. Therefore the problem should be simplified into two things: something we can control and something we just can't.

When things aren't they way we expected to be and there is nothing much to do to change what had been done or what had happened, the thing we could change is only our feeling towards what happened. I know how devastated it feels, when we had put almost everything.
I remembered the character of Final Fantasy VIII (games), Squall Leonheart said, "The bigger the hope, the greater the pain." Hella, that's quite true. But I don't mean to say stop hoping. Because when there is no hope, it feels like as boring as dead.

What I want to say is that: just accept it. When things are not in accordance to our hope then, just try to accept it and synchronize our feeling again with the nature. Because that's the way we could be happy.

I used to protest, rebel, and fight against life. Telling life's unfair. Struggling. I still do sometimes.
But what do I know about fairness? I have so little knowledge, how can I verify myself right?

What I think is the ideal or best, perhaps is not the best or ideal at all, and it happens that life prove me that what I used to think good is actually not.

HITLER is everywhere ^^

wohow..girls,, gua baru ajah nemu (lagi2 video) yang kocak banget.. ahahahgh.. ini karena.. terkait dengan sesosok yang amat dekat dengan kita...

gak sengaja gua pas lagi bosen cleansing data.. terus buka2 youtube cari hiburan.. eEeh.. tau2 nemuin ini.. ahahahahgh... menghibur banget....
ni yang masih pada penasaran ama kucing2 yang mirip Hitler silahkan klik disini
heuheu :D

Anyway...
This is our real Hitler ^^






semoga kita semua bisa berkumpul bersama lagi,,

[raOy]